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Monday, December 7th, 2009
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8:11 pm
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Did you get what you wanted from this life even so?
I did.
And what did you want?
To call myself beloved,
to feel myself beloved on earth.
--Raymond Carver
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| Sunday, November 23rd, 2008
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11:03 pm
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"I must be myself. I cannot break myself any longer for you, or you. If you love me for what I am, we shall be the happier. If you cannot, I will still seek to deserve that you should. I must be myself. I will not hide my tastes or aversions. I will so trust that what is deep is holy, that I will do strongly before the sun and moon whatever inly rejoices in me, and the heart appoints. If you are noble, I will love you; if you are not, I will not hurt you and myself by hypocritical attentions. If you are true, but not in the same truth with me, cleave to your companions; I will seek my own. I do this not selfishly, but humbly and truly. It is alike your interest and mine and all men's, however long we have dwelt in lies, to live in truth. Does this sound harsh to-day? You will soon love what is dictated by your nature as well as mine, and if we follow the truth, it will bring us out safe at last. Besides, all persons have their moments of reason when they look out into the region of absolute truth; then they will justify me and do the same thing."
--Ralph Waldo Emerson
This is the right thing to do. It is difficult to say this and to mean it; however, there is only so much feeling can do. There is only so much love can do. I have been living my life for someone else. It's something I have been good at. But I have to be open to God's will in MY life. Not in the life I live for you, not in the life I live for anyone else. For me. We are holding onto something romantic. We are holding onto something that sounds beautiful to say. We are holding onto something that wells in your heart as you think of it, but we are not holding onto something real. We were the story a fairy tale should center around, we were the lost parable of the Bible. But that's the problem- we can't escape the past tense. There is a past tense with us. And wanting it to be another way doesn't change things. Look at your life. Look at the people in your life. And imagine leaving those people behind. It's a romantic notion, but even the romantics have to wash the dishes, pay the bills. We can't live drunk on happiness. I can't be with you. I can't give away the relationships I have worked so hard to keep in my life. There should be no hesitation before I say "I love you". And there is. I must be myself. My heart is telling me to step away. My center is telling me this is not the time, this is not the way. It will be right for you one day, with one person. And she will be certain.
"I don't want to make somebody else. I want to make myself." --Toni Morrison
"Whatever satisfies the soul is truth." --Walt Whitman
Satisfy your soul. Find your own method of truth and live that way. Live happy. And imagine you have done this forever.
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| Monday, April 7th, 2008
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9:24 pm - playing catch up
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| Wednesday, November 30th, 2005
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6:51 am
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im sure its times like these that we grow the most.
i honestly believe that everything on this earth happens for a reason, and i know that God was calling me to make this descion. it had to be done, no matter how hard it was.
always listen to God and never ignore His callings and set Him on the backburner...promise me that. as long as you have God in your life, and you listen to Him, He WILL lead you. i think i lost sight of whats really important in my life.
its all for Him.
its all for Him.
its all for Him.
everyone, dont let me forget that.
love, love, love-
-mia
current mood:  cold
current music: "beauty from pain" on repeat
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| Friday, May 20th, 2005
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5:56 pm - Photobucket
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| Thursday, May 5th, 2005
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3:25 pm
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pretty good day!
i was pretty hyper and everthing, so that was nice. me and amy decided that today was gonna be good, awesome even! and i think i just realized that i can and should choose my attitude more, u know? i hvae soooo much going on tonight...finishing a collage and memorizing a poem, studying for a french test, and three hour dinner theatre rehearsal for me to say all of my two lines...drum roll........
"you've killed her so completely,
that we thank you very sweetly."
better go and do homework...
love, love, love-
~mia~
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| Tuesday, April 12th, 2005
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6:29 pm
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this, this is what i want one day...
Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who kisses your forhead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you. Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "...that's her."
is that not what y'all want? i want that guy, i wish i was older...
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| Monday, March 28th, 2005
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6:05 pm
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good day-
i hit the snooze button like a ba-zillion times this morning so it was hard to get up. hil got her permit today and i finally got mine, the offical one anyway, the plasticy-ness, its soooooo much fun to look at! i have approximately fifteen more days before i know how i did in everything to do with asfa and the writing contest i entered...i am excited and scared at the same time. sometimes i wish i could get out of my dream world, you know the kind where everythings okay and the way you want it to be...and that just cant happen with me being a writer...you never step outside that dream world, maybe everyone was right when they said my head was always in the clouds!! i got to talk to kk today...that was good even though it kinda bummed me out that he was on spring break and i wasnt, he had to explain paintball to me, one of those things that people obviously think im crazy that i dont know what they're talking about. i have never even heard of paintball before!!! and whats so great about pelting people with little balls of paint anyway??? maybe this is kinda like the cactus thing...im thinking i should take a vocabulary class or something to enhance all of the words i do know!!! well...ill catch y'all later...kk check your email!
~mia~
current mood:  bouncy
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| Sunday, March 27th, 2005
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5:07 pm
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rob allowed the swing to sway back and forth under the weight of himself and his daughter, melanie. the creak of the loose board remained constant, he found that almost comforting and reassuring. the milky glow on the sun reached the horizion that morning and he gazed gently at his four-year-old's face now illuminated by the light. rob's wife, alissa, had died in the night, and rob couldnt bear to see melanie run to wake him and alissa like any other saturday morning; he just simply couldnt bring himself to hurt his daughter like that. alissa and rob were melanie's life, the same way alissa and melanie were rob's life, and rob and melanie were alissa's life...until now. rob had decided firmly that once melanie awoke, he would stress the need to go into town, he would meet with a pastor and set up arragements for alissa's funeral. but for now, he didnt even dare breathe for fear that it would be melanie's last breath or heartbeat and it would fly by, just like his time with alissa. he gazed longingly out onto his southern georgia cotton plantation. he had worked in those fields ever since he was a boy; he worked for one thing, and one thing only, to provide a better life for melanie, and to make sure her hands never faced the tools his did. by the creek he and alissa had shared their first kiss. everyone had tried to convince alissa that rob was too old for her (he was four and a half years older), but you could have asked her from the time they had met and she would have said that he was the one. rob wished all the memories of her would leave him, at least for today, she still lived within him, and it was too much to bear today.
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2:22 pm
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easter---
its here finally!! i am happy once more, for no reason except im hyped up on chocolate!! i got up for the sunrise service, ate b'fast with the family, went to lynn's church where the guy preached for two hours, came back and went to contact!!! contact was extra awesome today, there was a really big crowd and that made me happy!!! i really wish that i could have talked to a person this morning at contact some more, but maybe i'll call later....
anyway, mia is just plain happy right now! easter is a time for celebration, whats a greater miracle than being raised from the dead??? i now celebrate this afternoon easter in the confinement of my room...giving me even more reason to praise Him. His power and His glory is more than i could ever comprehend, and this is just one of the examples. after Jesus had given the great commission, He said, "and surely I will be with you, up until the end of the age." this reminds me that He is with each one of us always...forever! im ready to jump up and down...i feel soooooo loved that He would go through all of those beatings and torturings for me...lowly me, scum of the earth me.
what are y'all's thoughts on easter, call me on anything if im wrong...comments make me happy!!!
later-
~mia~
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| Saturday, March 26th, 2005
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4:30 pm
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ok-
heres the big update as promised. i honestly just needed a break from my addiction to email, livejournal, and im-ing, and one other.... anyway, things are ok. im happy, dont get me wrong...but there is one thing that i feel like i need, that wont stay out of my head, and it cant happen at all, nothing in that can happen and it sucks that it cant. only about one person reading this has any idea what im talking about, but o well! my bday went well, got my permit, oooooyea!!! and for the past three days i have been like inseperable with hilary and morgan, which has been nice. we have had some totally great times, even though thursday i had to go and get a shot on my butt---i have a HUGE bruise!!!
things for laughs:
"would you like that order to go?"
"are you even gonna buy that paper?"
"take-out!"
"who's suzanne harbin?"
"i'm afraid of retarded people"
"we talked for like two hours!!!!"
"whats forrest gump?"
but i watched "The Passion of The Christ" last night with morgan. wow...wow...wow...that was something i was not prepared to see but needed to see, you know? He took all that for me, He traded all of His perfection for imprefection, sinners, evil ones. i breathe right now because of Him, and as i watched that movie...some people stood up for Him...and i think back to those times where i could have done something, i could have done something to stop the abuse of me and my mother and i didnt...i didnt do anything!!!! tomorrow is easter and i am so excited. i am ready for some happiness.
please feel free to comment...i will see you all tomrrow!!!
~mia~
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| Tuesday, March 15th, 2005
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3:27 pm
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today was blah
two more days until i'm fifteen, and im not as excited and i dont know why. no, i really do, but...
anyway, today in biology we had to dissect a spider, crayfish, and grasshopper, i was freaking out b/c i cant handle stuff like that!!! school stuff puzzles my mind, i talked to all my teachers now and they think that i could handle taking algebra two math team, honors english, chemistry, and ap american history as a tenth grader!!! i dont know what to do about that...i feel honored that they think that i could handle that, but if i make show choir and tennis team...i dont know if this is going to do nothing but kill off my gpa. saturday amy and lydia have planned something for me concerning my birthday, i will be gone from one in the afternoon to ten that night, what on earth are we gonna do for nine hours??? she also told me to dress warmly...if any of you have an idea of what it is, comment!!!
this may be my last journal entry for a while...i'll keep up in my written journal and maybe post a big long update later, but for right now im taking a break from a lot of things, email, im, and livejournal. if any of you need me, my cell is 873-1819, but i may be out of pocket on the internet, at least for a while. i love you all soooooo much and i will still be there for sunday and wednesday stuff, adaios y'all!!!!1
~mia~
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| Monday, March 14th, 2005
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7:12 pm
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MICHELLE BRANCH LYRICS
"Goodbye To You"
Of all the things I've believed in
I just want to get it over with
Tears form behind my eyes
But I do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by
I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
It feels like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend
And I said,
[Chorus:]
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything that I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems that I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light
But it's not right
[Chorus]
And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time
I want what's yours and I want what's mine
I want you
But I'm not giving in this time
[Chorus x2]
And when the stars fall
I will lie awake
You're my shooting star
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7:04 pm
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this morning was good, me and emily went to o'henry's again, all very nice.
i got compliments on my outfit today, that made me smile since i woke up at four this morning and couldnt go back to sleep, so i got ready like an hour early. i hate it when im not in a hyper mood...i had to let someone go today and it has been hard for me. i prayed about it, which i think was the right thing to do, and i feel like i needed to let that relationship go, its not that i care about the person any less, its just too hard right now. my pain hasnt gone away, and i think for right now i may just need a break...from livejournal world, maybe, from reality, i wish, from my mother, im praying, from sucky 14-year-old life, that will end on thursday, from realtionship world, uh huh, and from school world, spring break is next week!!!
prayers and comments are appreciated-
~mia~
oo- i forgot to tell you all that i LOVEEEEEEEE you!!!!!
current mood: crushed
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| Sunday, March 13th, 2005
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2:03 pm
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today has been good-
this morning my dad woke me up at eight to tell me that i had to be at church in half an hour, and i freaked out! i straightened my hair, did my makeup, ironed my outfit, all in thirty minutes! straightening my hair alone usually takes like an hour, i asked God to extend my time this morning, it is just another reason to know that He is there even in the most petty situations. i am going to be fifteen in only five more days and i am sooooo excited! i drove again today for like half an hour, and i didnt wreck, that is a victory anytime. not to mention that i was driving the huge explorer!! i found out that amy and lydia are planning a surprise for my birthday, and i am excited. i will be out next saturday from one in the afternoon to ten that night, and they said to dress warm! hmmmm...i have no idea what they have planned!
hopefully tonight will be fun, but i gotta go and type a paper, ugh!
love you all!!!
~mia~
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| Saturday, March 12th, 2005
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8:32 pm
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today was really good-
me and my dad fixed the virus on our computer, yay hooray, i got my eyebrows waxed, got my makeup done, got my easter dress, went out to eat at cobb lane, went to a fashion show, went shopping at like a thousand other places, came home, played tennis, went for a picnic in the park, went to tcby, and came home again. it was a busy day, but very fun!!! i miss my fabulous five being together!! me and mo talked a lot about how the five of us have kinda gone our seperate ways this year, and it was hard to hear and talk about for both of us. i realize i could be making a better effort to make this friendship work, i need to be more loving toward some people, and less loving toward others.
i love children, i may have to have a gigantic family once i get married...i love kids! i saw these adorable little triplet girls walking down the street today in matching pink and white gengium jumpers holding hands, i LOVE children!!! (especially girls)
feel free to comment on a totally random, happy, journal entry.
~mia~
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| Friday, March 11th, 2005
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11:15 pm
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over at morgans~
yay hooray! today was great. me and mo went to see the pacifier and it was reallyyyyyy good. we have decided that we will move to new york with each other and live in a loft we will start our own magazine and be the editors. mo will have a little boy who will marry my little girl...so we can offically be family!!! tomorrow me and lynn will celebrate my bday early by getting our eyebrows waxed, makeup done, shopping at soca and a thousand other places, out to lunch, and hitting a fashion show. i am veryyyy excited!!!
i am still struggling with temptation...please pray that will get better.
love you all
~mia~
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| Tuesday, March 8th, 2005
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5:52 pm
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ok,
today was good. i am feeling a little sick and am kinda worried that i have the flu. the girls i babysat for the other night just got over it like three days before, i'm like achey and reallyyyyy cold, all the time. i cant breathe out my nose, and i woke up in a puddle of drool this morning. diggity died today, keri and andys dog, and i dont know if they want me posting this, but pray, especially for keri, i know how much that dog means to her. i am now going to be published for my essay on world peace, so that was my hilight of the day. some things that i was worried about earlier have kinda worked out, so thats a relief.
i love you all and i will see you bible study girls tomorra!!!
~mia~
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| Monday, March 7th, 2005
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5:45 pm
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sorry its been a while
sunday morning sucked for a lot of reasons which i will not even begin to explain right now, but it was also a good thing. everyone knows how i'm always hyper and all and sunday before contact keri took me to the side to talk to me and i started crying. the response to my tears was incredible. everyone came over and was all like, "are you okay?" "i love you" "where's my hyper mia?" and all that jazz. it just made me feel really loved, i guess God works even in those really hard situations. keri also called me that afternoon, just to make sure i was okay, and i am, i just needed a good cry and a confession session with God. you know who you are, i'm not mad, you have been sooooo great to me, no matter how much i am hurting. i thank God for you everyday...i just wanted to let you know.
today was better and i went to o'henry's with emily this morning and it was incredibly great! that girl is soooo sweet and our personalites clash so much, we dont even have to try to talk about to hard topics, they just flow on out, and that's what i needed.
i love you all, but it's time for dinner, comment if you want, and if you were there for me on sunday, i love you and i appreciate what you did soooo much!!!
~mia~
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| Saturday, March 5th, 2005
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7:17 am
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ok,
i'm about to be off to my math tournament, whoooo hoo, yea right. i'm kinda irritable since i stayed up kinda late last night for no reason in particular except that i just cant sleep!!! andy and daddy lost their last b'ball game last night. that makes my dad as a coach for his whole career 0-25, i feel so bad for them, i wanted them to win at least one.
ooooo- twelve more days!!!!!! i am seriously excited about that one! the other day i went driving, things to work on:
stopping at stop signs (even if a car is obstructing the view)
putting on the blinker (even if the light bulb is dead)
putting on my seatbelt
not freaking out when people come into a 25 mile an hour zone going 50
but other than that, i'm good, and i've got twelve more days to work on it! keri and maria made me happy by commenting on the lj post that i put up under keri's username, y'all really made my day! i'm not really a good writer, but it makes me happy to think that someone else does!
i love you all, but i've gotta go and take an hour and a half long test to only answer maybe eight questions, ugh!
see most of you on church sunday, have a fantabulous day for me!!!
~mia~
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